'Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt' Recap 7: 'Kimmy Goes To A Party!'

If you finally have “Peeno Noir” out of your head, we can finally move on to episode seven of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt!, “Kimmy Goes To A Party!” In this episode, Kimmy... ahem... goes to a party, Titus tries to impress a producer and Jacqueline tries to catcher her husband cheating.

During the cold open, Kimmy and Titus are trying to have lunch at a fancy restaurant and, to look like they belong there, Titus has his cardboard laptop and Kimmy has her phone/banana. When a waitress says that the tables are only for paid customers, they start yelling French gibberish. While Titus goes out to siphon some fancy soap from the restroom, the waitress gives them two glasses of water. “Beyonce!” Kimmy says.

After heading off to Beijing to find her husband, Jacqueline is finally coming home. Surprisingly, she did find Julian Voorhes (Mark Harelik), who insists that he was not cheating on her. Still, she won’t let him see “the twins” (her feet).

When Kimmy arrives at Jaqueline’s, Xanthippe tells Kimmy that the ‘90s called and they want their clothes back. “Well, 2090 called and you wasted your time on earth!” Kimmy shoots back.

Julian and Jacqueline arrive at home, too. Jacqueline tells Kimmy that she thinks she might be paranoid now, but Kimmy calms her down. She tells Jacqueline to think with her gut... I mean, women’s intuition.

Then, there’s a really random scene that just drives home the point that Titus is completely broke. It’s a Tina Fey-esque gag that doesn’t really pertain to the episode’s story, but it’s one hilarious joke. After putting in his PIN number - 1234, of course - in the ATM, Titus discovers that he only has $2 in his account. Even though there’s a $3 transaction fee, he still pulls out the money... only to receive a -1 dollar bill!

Anyway, back to the real story. Jacqueline gets Kimmy to listen in on Julian’s phone conversation and learns that a Japanese woman named Yuko is coming to a dinner party Julian plans on holding that night. Jacqueline decides that she wants to embarrass Julian and find out once and for all that he is cheating on her with Yuko.

Kimmy has to go to the party, so she invites Titus to sing. It will be the first time he’s ever sung for money. Then, Kimmy needs a makeover, so Titus does his job. It’s such a Cinderella story that even the birds and mice are helping!

When she arrives at the party, Xanthippe is there to remind Kimmy that she works for the Voorhes family and she’s not a guest. Then, Jacqueline lets Kimmy in on her plan. Julian will sit across from Yuko and, since Julian has that foot fetish, there’s definitely going to be some activity going on under the table. When they get up, their laps will be white with powder. (Evil laugh.)

However, when the dinner begins and Julian gets up to give a toast, there’s no powder! Plus, Jacqueline learns that the Japanese woman she sat Julian across from is not Yuko. It turns out that Yuko is a robot Julian is hoping his company will invest in! (Gasp.)

Yuko begins stealing attention from everyone. Even poor Titus can’t catch the attention of the Broadway producer who’s at the party. (It’s really hurting his A Star Is Born-ing.) As the party is winding down, Jacqueline starts complaining to Yuko and throws water on the robot. Convinced that she has just killed Yuko, she and Titus - who just happened to be listening - start burying Yuko.

Of course, Yuko isn’t really dead. While they pour dirt on Yuko, the robot tells Titus not to forget his dreams, which makes him stop what he’s doing. He runs into the house and knocks into the producer, while still carrying an ax. It turns out that the producer is really a “dining experience” producer and offers Titus a job as a singing waiter at his restaurant, Professor Dracula’s Spooky Laboratory and Bar and Grill. It’s not a great job, but it pays!

While all this is going on, Kimmy’s Cinderella story continues. She meets the super-rich Logan Beekman (Adam Campbell) and, at first, tells him that she’s just another guest. Xanthippe tries to ruin the potential romance by telling Logan what Kimmy’s real job is. Logan is disappointed at first, but after the party, he returns to Jacqueline’s. He realizes that Kimmy really doesn’t know who he is, so he doesn’t care about her real status in life. So, another romance for Kimmy is blooming!

Also during the next day, Julian takes Jacqueline to a therapist (Lisa Masters)... who happens to also have a tan and is writing with the same kind of pen Julian was seen with earlier. Looks like Jacqueline was right! “Talk to the shame puppet, Julian, you motherf-” (Roll credits please.)

Check out our recap of the previous episode right here.

image courtesy of Roger Wong/INFphoto.com